Restless Spirits
by CookieCutterWorld
Summary: What's it really like living in nothingness when you die? Mello thinks it's similar to eternal damnation in hell because...


Restless Spirits

By Cookie Cutter World

* * *

I do not know how many times it has been repeated in various stories and movie plots but they always say that before you die, you will see your entire life flashing before your eyes.

It was different in my case.

I did not see anything. I never saw anything reminiscent of my entire lire. It just seemed like everything stopped…

And then I was dead.

All I felt was a sharp pain in my heart and I already knew that it was a heart attack. However, it did not feel like those, "Oh shit! I'm having a heart attack!" moments. Rather, it felt like, "Goddammit! It hurts!" and I crashed the truck that I was driving with the hostage still inside the back cargo.

It was not really a pleasant way to die. When I was a little boy, I used to imagine dying an old man of around 90 or so after being blessed by a priest. Probably blame that on my Christian/Catholic upbringing from the orphanage. Yes, no matter how many times anybody must have seen me acting mean and greedy, I am still your typical God-fearing creature.

I do not know whether my death was manipulated by somebody but I immediately had 3 suspects in mind: Light Yagami, Teru Mikami, or that idiot hostage that I left in the cargo: Kiyomi Takada. Whoever killed me, I have yet to find out.

I guess I just sat stiffly in the driver's seat with my eyes wide open and the right side of my head pressed against the steering wheel. It was rather uncomfortable that by the time I was able to move again, my eyes really hurt while my right ear and right temple throbbed. The pain caused by the heart attack was gone but I did not feel any better. As I was trying to rub the pain away from my right ear, I turned to the supposedly vacant passenger seat to my left. I was lucky that the door to my right was closed and jammed because of the crash; otherwise, I would have fallen out of the truck when I saw that there was somebody sitting there.

"Hey, kiddo!" greeted a tall wavy-haired blond man wearing a white expensive-looking pinstripe suit. I was not sure who he was but he had blue eyes and his skin was really pale. He spoke in a smooth and confident manner with an optimistic air around him that made me wonder whether he was on drugs or he was just really happy about something. Well my situation was not really something to be happy about so I felt offended. However, I could not find the right words to react to his greeting. I had a cuss word in mind but seeing that I crashed the truck in an old run-down Church made me bite my tongue.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything for now. My name's Aiber, by the way." He said cheerfully as he offered a handshake. I stared at his very pale hand. Judging from the number of veins, the quality of his skin on his hands, and a couple of wrinkles on his face, he could be in his late thirties or in his early forties.

"I uh… ah… uhm…" I stammered. How come I could not speak? I just died and I forgot how to speak, was that it?

He laughed at my awkwardness and it made me angry. Nobody makes fun of me and gets away with it! However, before I could clobber him, he turned to the rearview mirror and shook his head. "We better get out of here, kiddo." He told me quite disappointedly.

I watched him quietly as he just jumped out of the truck. Correction: he went through the door without even opening it. Aiber was a bloody spirit.

"Come on!" he called out from outside as he made a gesture to urge me to hurry up.

I turned to my side and attempted to pull the lever of the door but it was stuck. I tried to push the door outward but for some reason, all my attempts were failing.

"You seem to be forgetting something," I heard him say.

I looked at him and frowned. I still could not face the fact that I had died already even though I knew I had to. I was in denial most probably because of the reason that I did not get to fulfill my wish to die after a priest blesses my weak and poor soul… or the fact that I allowed myself to get killed for the sake of "helping" Near solve the Kira case.

Well, boo-hoo.

But there was no time to cry or get angry at the situation. After all, I was sure that my death would not be in vain because it could be of use to that big-headed Nate River. Aw, bloody brilliant! Did I just mention his name? Well sorry Near. Don't worry, I'm sure Kira did not hear that.

Man, and do I sound sarcastic or what?

"You should try going through doors and things now. It's really fun once you get the hang of it." Aiber urged, interrupting my thoughts.

I clenched my jaw while trying to figure out how I was supposed to go through the door. I felt so much alive but there was Aiber, a spirit, telling me that I could go through doors and things already.

"It's not really rocket science. Even L was able to figure it out easily." Aiber told me.

The mention of the name gave me a boost of confidence and I just moved a foot through the door. It worked. And yeah, I was amazed by my new ability to go through objects because I decided to do it again and again. I did not even realize that I looked like a happy retarded fool who just discovered something new until Aiber cleared his throat and said that we had to leave already.

I jumped through the door and landed on my two feet on the ground. On normal occasions, it would actually hurt my ankles but that time, it did not.

"See?" he asked cheerfully.

I looked up at him and measured that he was probably around 6 feet and 2 inches tall. Compared to my 5'6" frame, I looked scrawny and really tiny.

"Okay, let's get going." He said before he turned and walked towards the street.

I stood still for a moment before deciding to look back at the truck. I could see the figure of a dead blond young man slumped on the steering wheel inside. The scene gave me chills and it paralyzed me for a bit until I realized that there was suddenly fire in front of me. I expected to feel the heat but I did not. I could just smell the smoke and see the large orange flames engulfing the old Church along with the truck and the dead blond young man. The only sounds I could hear were crickets from somewhere in the nearby trees and the crackling of random burning objects.

Aiber went over to me and placed a hand on my left shoulder. "No use watching. You can't save yourself now." He told me.

It took me a while before I was able to respond and by the time I had something to say, I realized that we were already walking in the middle of a vast highway that had neither cars nor any form of civilization in sight. "Who are you again?" I asked probingly.

"Like what I said, my name's Aiber. I'm a con-artist." He said.

A con-artist? What the hell. I could not help but guffaw at what he said. "I'm surprised you're not in hell, Mister Aiber." I pointed out. I meant that as a pun in relation to his crime and the fact that he was dead.

"What about you? You're not in hell and you're definitely not in heaven either no matter how prayerful you are to God." he responded nonchalantly. He did not seem to be even slightly affected by my little pun.

I thought for a moment. If we were neither in hell nor heaven, then we should be in Purgatory. I figured that maybe even though Aiber conned a lot of people and managed to steal millions from his victims, he still believed in God and was a good man somehow. As for me, I swear, I was a good lad no matter how emotional and impulsive I can become sometimes… well okay, most of the time. But for me to be in Purgatory? I never really expected that. But oh well, they say that souls in Purgatory only need prayers from the living for them to be able to ascend into Heaven and finally be welcomed into the Kingdom of God.

How Aiber crushed my hopes when he revealed that we were not in Purgatory either. Rather, we seemed to be stuck in a never-ending cycle of nothingness. Suddenly I was afraid. It was some kind of irrational fear brought about by the unknown. I wanted to scream but I could not. All I could do was curse and say more bad words as I began to question our whereabouts and how I really died.

Aiber just continued to walk. Normally, people never cared whether I was angry or not. As for him, he seemed to be amused in watching me stomping my feet in anger and rambling about death and life being unfair to me and yadda, yadda, yadda—basically displaying behavior that made me look like a young boy throwing a huge tantrum in front of his parent. I eventually stopped after successfully letting out some steam.

We stopped walking and he rubbed the stubble on his chin with his right thumb and index finger. "Feel any better?" he asked. He sounded like a psychiatrist examining a patient lying on a Freudian couch. I looked at him disappointedly. "What are we doing here?" I asked. I already felt so discouraged and lifeless at that moment—well okay, so the latter adjective seemed inappropriate already but who bloody cares. I just could not make my mind function properly to think of better describing words anymore. It was the first time that I ever felt very helpless against something that I cannot really control.

Aiber looked at me thoughtfully before raising his gaze to the gray and cloudy atmosphere above us. His chest gradually rose, indicating that he took a deep and slow breath. He looked at me again and the sad smile on his face made me realize that there was no way I was going to get out of there. "This is where we live now. Sad to say, it's not a pleasant world. It's basically nothing compared to any other place you've been to, believe me. Even if you lived inside a sewer or you were raised in the slums, I'd have to say those places are definitely better compared to this one." He told me.

I was quiet for a moment. I definitely felt more nervous and fearful of the dark and gloomy place we were in. "You sound like we're in hell… or something…" I tried to say. By that time, I was already imagining that Aiber could be Beelzebub in disguise and he was going to take me to Hell. However, before my imagination could go further out of control, he turned away and made a gesture for me to follow him. "L is waiting. Let's go."

He mentioned L's name but it was not enough reassurance to me. "How do I know that you're not the devil asking me to follow you?" I demanded.

Aiber laughed at me. "You're paranoid, you know that. I wonder how you were really raised in the House. But oh well, you're the second generation already so…" he rambled.

"I am not paranoid!" I denied in annoyance. "You're the con-artist here, who knows if you're already conning me or not?" I asked. "Don't think I have no idea how con-artists work! For all I know you're already trying to use your charisma! Well it's definitely not working!" I pointed out.

Aiber looked at me amusingly and then shook his head. "I thought you're one of L's successors. You're supposed to be able to outsmart me but I see that you'll always be second best, yes?" he asked.

Alright, that really made me lose my patience but eventually, I realized that he said that to distract me from thinking that he was the devil. Still, that did not stop me from attempting to attack him. I only stopped when I heard another man's voice from behind me. This time, it sounded raspy and had an English accent. It said, "Well, well, well, if it isn't Mihael Keehl."

The voice was really familiar and I have not heard that voice ever since he left the orphanage.

Aiber had a smug smile on his face as he looked past my shoulders at the person standing a few feet away from me. "Funny that you mentioned his real name, Beyond." He said.

I turned around. It was one of my upperclassmen from Wammy's House: Beyond Birthday. He did not change a bit. He still looked the same from the last time I saw him except that he wore the same clothes as L. I recalled seeing his case file regarding the serial murders he committed in Los Angeles several years ago. Back then, he imitated L's looks—hairdo, manner of dressing, facial expression—all with the help of makeup and probably a little of Hollywood effects he learned while staying in a region near Hollywood. However, his real features had nothing in common with L's. I do not wish to describe them anymore here.

Beyond looked at me from head to toe and I could have sworn that he had a deranged look on his face as he did so. "Welcome to the jungle." He said in a singsong voice to the tune of Guns n' Roses' song as he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jeans—an action L would also do once in a while but the only difference between them was the fact that Beyond never slouched. He only did so when he had to imitate L.

I recalled that Beyond died of an unexplained heart attack in a high security prison in California way back in 2004. Anybody who was already familiar with Kira and his way of killing criminals back then could have easily known that there was a 99.9 chance that he killed Beyond Birthday.

Killed by the Death Note.

That was when I began to speculate about the place where we were standing and having a "conversation"—if ever you could refer to it as that.

I looked at Aiber curiously and asked him how he died. He said he died of liver cancer on the 7th April in 2005.

Deaths could be manipulated in that accursed notebook.

"I died of a heart attack in case you're curious," Beyond told me with an amused tone. I looked at him and similar to the tone of his voice, he did appear very amused at something. I could tell that he had something in his mind that could probably serve as an answer to all my questions regarding where we were

"Did Kira kill you?" I asked Aiber.

"Looks like it. I mean, I'm here and…"

"AHA!" I looked at the older man and pointed a finger at him. "I knew it. This is the place where the people who died by the Death Note are destined to spend the rest of their eternity in!"

Beyond laughed. "Took you a while to finally realize that, Mihael?" he asked in a teasing manner.

I glared at him. Sure he was one of the smartest… and he probably served as the best example to the other children at Wammy's House that there is a thin line between genius and insanity. However, he was still annoying as hell no matter how much I look up to him for being highly intelligent.

Beyond just smirked and turned away. As he did so, he summoned Aiber and me to follow him. "That's the wrong way to L. If you go there, you'll see people you're gonna wish had never been killed by the Death Note." He said.

Aiber scratched his chin and frowned slightly. "Oh right." He said, suddenly recalling something. "Everything looks like a never-ending highway from where we came from." He told Beyond.

"And you're helping us?" I asked Beyond.

He shoved his hands inside his pockets and slouched a bit. I could not tell if he was beginning to mimic L's behavior or he just did that for the sake of doing something. "I do not want to. However, there's really no point in making enemies here in this place. You hang out with the people you know and stay away from those you do not fancy. Otherwise, it will be like… let's see…" he looked up at the gray skies and then turned his head to his left. He still had a smirk on his face and I could tell that he was looking at me and Aiber through his peripheral vision. "…eternal damnation—only worse."

Aiber and I were quiet. I looked at the older man and realized that he seemed confused on what Beyond was trying to explain to me.

"But eternal damnation can only be experienced in Hell…" I began.

"Oh cut the crap with your God and your Bible and your beliefs. You already look like you could pass as a member of the Vienna Boys' Choir, so don't start making me think that you are the epitome of the rumor that those boys have no balls or something to keep their voices high-pitched." Beyond told me as he started walking. He sounded annoyed already but I was more annoyed at what he said. However, I could not find the right words to say as a reaction. All I could say was, "Why you…" and then Aiber just gave me a reassuring pat on the back as he went ahead to follow Beyond.

As for me, I followed after them in silence while trying to maintain my patience.

The entire journey to where L was seemed to take forever. It was probably because of the fact that everything looked the same: the wide gray road, the valley of equally gray mountains, the gray skies, the vast field with dry grass on our left and right, and the gloomy atmosphere. There was neither fog nor wind. Everything just seemed still and the only voices I could hear belonged to Aiber and Beyond. The two had been conversing about human behavior and Sigmund Freud. For some reason the latter subject really amused the two of them.

I have always associated Sigmund Freud with his theory of Psychosexual Behavior, and eventually, its Oral Stage became the center of Aiber and Beyond's conversation. I carefully listened as the con-artist explained the Oral Stage to the serial killer using his own words. I could see Beyond nodding his head once in a while in a very eager manner that revealed how very interested he was on the topic.

My mind was about to block out the entire conversation when I started to review my list of suspects regarding my death; however, my focus returned to Aiber and Beyond when I heard the latter mention my name in his question, "So basically, a good example of a person with oral fixation is Mello."

"What?" I demanded.

Beyond laughed and glanced at me. "Let's hear him try to defend himself on this." He told Aiber.

Aiber shook his head and shrugged. "Most of us don't know it anyway until somebody points it out. You are orally fixated, too, Beyond." He pointed out.

Beyond basically looked at Aiber and smirked. "I already know that."

"Yes, yes, you love jam. Even L. He likes to eat sweets, he puts his hands in his mouth, he sucks his thumb… Wedy does it too!" Aiber said.

"…The thumb-sucking?" Beyond said in amusement.

"No, I didn't mean it that way… Let me rephrase…"

"Oh, she sucks L's thumb!" Beyond exclaimed, and he clapped his hands excitedly. "Kinky." He remarked with a silly grin.

"You're all sixes-and-sevens!" I remarked upon observing his behavior.

"No, she smokes." Aiber pointed out to him.

Beyond's eyes widened. It seemed as if they would bulge out of their sockets, too. "…she smokes L's thumb?" he asked.

"Oh, I bet you find that very arousing." I said in sarcasm. I still have not forgotten that he mentioned my name earlier as an example for oral fixation so I could not help but start a little spat with him.

Aiber glanced at me surprisingly probably because of the last word I used on my sentence towards Beyond.

Beyond looked at me and he placed his right index finger by the tip of his lower lip. "Oh yes, I do find it very arousing, Mihael." He said in voice that sounded almost like a hoarse whisper.

I cringed upon hearing my real name again. "Will you stop referring to me by my real first name?" I snapped.

"Oh, how come?" he asked.

"Because…" I trailed off. I could not bring myself to say that I was not used to people referring to me by that name anymore. I did not even realize that I stopped walking already until the two of them stopped, too. I studied the way they were looking at me—Aiber had a look on his face that told me that he was either beginning to pity me or he was silently telling me not to respond to Beyond anymore. On the other hand, Beyond had a malicious look on his face and his smile widened when he told me, "As I was saying, you are also orally fixated because you like to eat chocolates. Truth be told, Aiber is, too. He likes to drink, yes?" And he looked up at the gray skies with a reminiscent smile as he raked his fingers through his hair. "Doesn't it make you question how we're all raised by Quillsh Wammy?" he asked.

I was not able to determine how long the three of us had been silent ever since that question was asked. And speaking of time, I wondered if days or years even matter in the new world of nothingness that we ended up in. I also wondered how many hours does it take for a day to pass in that world of nothingness. Was it similar to the 24-hours-a-day of earth or was it like a planet that rotates quicker than earth?

Eventually, we began to walk again and I was glad that we did. However, I began to wonder where Watari was, and since Beyond mentioned him earlier, I decided to ask anyway, "About Watari… I'm sure he died the same way as L… but where is he? Is he here, too?"

"Well yeah but we seldom see him around now. He says we can all take good care of ourselves here even without his help." Aiber explained nonchalantly.

I found that hard to believe. Watari would never abandon L. I asked why Watari would even do that.

"Why are you looking for that old man? Don't you think it's unethical—the way he raised us in that orphanage? To become like L, to be like L, to become copies of L. Everything is all about L. Because of that, all of us were pressured to become like L—honing our talents and intelligence until we can become equal to L's intelligence and talents." Beyond mentioned exasperatedly that surprised both me and Aiber.

I had to admit that I once questioned the way Watari had raised us but I thought that it was better off that way. I figured that maybe that was the better purpose in life rather than not having one at all.

After my mother died, I thought I would be left alone to die until Watari found me and decided to take me in. I was still a small lad back then so I was thankful to God that a kind man like Watari found me and decided to raise me… even as a third-generation copy of L. I could not imagine myself being abandoned in the nasty and unpredictable streets of London as a child without proper supervision of an able adult like Watari.

Beyond narrowed his gaze at me and he spoke with a tone that sounded almost like a hiss, "And look at us. I became too obsessed with the idea that I had to surpass L. I became a serial killer and attempted to kill myself…only to be killed by Kira later on." He pointed a finger at Aiber while keeping his gaze at me. "He, as a youth, already had the talent to charm anybody using his knowledge on human behavior, his superior social skills, and his ability to speak many languages. Eventually, he became a con artist… and then killed by Kira with liver cancer on April 10, 2005." And he finally smiled. It was a smile that reminded me of the smiling gargoyles I saw in old churches. His index finger finally directed towards me. The next thing I knew, he was pointing at my face and saying, "And you wanted to prove you're not second best although no matter what you do, you'll always be second best because you are simply not L. All of us are simply second to L. But anyway, you left Wammy's House because you did not want to work with Nate. And look at you now!"

I snorted at his statement. "Yeah, yeah, so what? What's done is done. So now, what's your point?" I demanded. Seeing his finger pointed at me really irked me further because it seemed as if he was accusing me of something that I probably did not do anyway.

Beyond was quiet for a few seconds before he put down his hand. I was just glad that he stopped pointing at me because it was beginning to feel creepy.

"Didn't you ever stop to think how our lives would turn out if Watari didn't attempt to hone us to become the next L?" he asked.

Aiber looked at the ground thoughtfully before shaking his head. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Beyond."

I looked at Aiber. "You also come from the same orphanage? I don't really remember you…" I said.

"Of course you won't. He's way older than us." Beyond said.

Aiber looked at him in an offended manner before turning to me with a reassuring smile. "Well yeah. Long story but it's true." He turned to Beyond again and this time, he spoke with a firm tone like the way a father would sound when disciplining a child. "Enough with that, Beyond. We have to find L."

Beyond just smirked and rolled his eyes as he turned away from me. He began to lead the way again and soon, the three of us were walking again. I wondered what was going on in his mind and why he had to bring up the subject about Watari's manner of raising the children in the orphanage. If a children's rights activist found out about that, they could easily sue Watari and suspend the operations of the orphanage. However, nobody ever questioned him, right? But why would Beyond bring it up? Perhaps he's having regrets on the all the bad things he did to people just so he could surpass L.

I was not really sure. But I remembered that I was talking to a crazy person so why even bothering thinking about what he just said? Still, I thought he was trying to make a point. I just could not put my finger on it. I was sure Aiber was thinking of the same thing, too, although he could not respond properly and was just trying hard to act like he was not affected by the question at all.

I was too busy thinking about different matters to myself when Aiber stopped. "We've been walking here for hours. Howe come we're not yet there?" I heard him ask.

Beyond stopped walking and looked at him. "Uh-oh. I think we're lost." He said. He did not sound worried, though. Rather, he sounded amused—as if he misdirected us on purpose!

In annoyance, I walked up to him and grabbed the collar of his shirt. "You nutter! Where are you taking us? I thought we're going to L?" I demanded.

"Hey, hey, easy there, kiddo!" Aiber said while trying to break us apart.

I expected for B to fight back or push me away but he just kept still and he was smiling calmly at me. "Please let me go." He said.

Damn, what is wrong with him? But since I was confused and also thanks to Aiber, I let go of Beyond and moved away from him. "You know what, just stay away from us. We don't need you in order to find L. I'm sure we can just find Watari and he'll take us to L instead." I told him before turning to Aiber. "Let's go the other way." He said.

"My, my, still the same all these years, Mello? Always the commanding one."

Although the statement was directed to me, the three of us all turned to the direction where we heard the voice of the old man who raised us all.

I found myself smiling happily as I called out his name and ran to him. I could not help but hug him, too. He just gave me a reassuring pat on the back and on the head before I looked up at him in wonder. Suddenly, I could not find the right words to say to him because I wondered if he heard our conversation about him or not.

He just smiled at me. "I won't be too long here. I have to keep some people away from you and the others." He said before turning to Aiber. The two exchanged serious glances before turning to Beyond who was twirling a lock of his dark hair. It was an action that reminded me of Near but I did not say anything about it anymore. "Beyond must have mentioned it already: it's better to stick with the people that you know around here. Otherwise…" Watari trailed off when we heard the sound of a woman's set of heeled shoes clacking against the concrete gray floor.

A woman with shoulder length blonde hair wearing an expensive looking clothes and high heels arrived. Her eyes were blue and her lips were very red. She came from the direction where Beyond was standing. What she revealed made me realize that maybe Beyond was on the right track to finding L's location: "Here you are. L had to go somewhere but he said he'll be back."

"Wedy," Beyond said as he looked at her from head to toe. The way he looked at her was sort of predatory and borderline amused. "Where is L? Mello here wants to see him already."

Wedy looked at me and smiled. "He had to fetch somebody but he'll be back." She explained.

"Fetch?" I asked. Was he like Aiber who was assigned to "fetch" me from the place where I died and then took me here in this world of nothingness?

I noticed that Aiber, Beyond, and Wedy were looking at Watari in silence so I turned to the old man to see his reaction. He seemed worried about something but he just bowed down his head and said that he had to leave. With that, we watched him walk away until he faded into the distance.

"See, Beyond? You're questioning the way the old man raised us? All this time, he's just trying to protect us." Aiber told the crazy man who had gone back to eyeing Wedy predatorily. She just looked at him warningly as she moved away.

"You make this place seem like it's not eternal damnation anyway, my pretty." Beyond told her.

"Whatever. Just… go follow Watari and see if you can keep the others away from this side. I'm sure when they see your face, they'll find it really repulsive and they'll definitely stay away." She said in disgust.

"The others?" I asked.

Wedy turned to me. She had a solemn look on her face as she explained to me, "Simply put, it's imperative that we all stick together here and stay away from those we don't know and don't trust."

"Besides," I heard Beyond say. I turned my attention to him and was looking past my shoulders as if somebody was behind me. "We have some unfinished business to confront." He continued. He sounded very serious when he said that and I thought he was talking about Watari again. However, I saw Wedy's facial expression change to something that told me she just saw something distasteful past my shoulders. She would never do that if she saw Watari.

"Well, look who we have here," I heard Aiber say in a manner that sounded half-sarcastic and half-amused.

That was when I turned around and saw L with another person walking a few feet away from him as he approached us.

Kira.

L stopped walking and so did Kira. The latter had a resentful look on his face as he tried his best to maintain eye contact with everybody in front of him.

I started going through a list of insulting words to refer to Light Yagami. I wished I could have said something better than, "You bastard!" Bastard was not enough to describe him and his crimes against me and the others.

L turned around to face Light. "Say hello to your new friends, Light." He said sarcastically.

Seeing Light there made me feel that this world could be worse than hell. "Eternal damnation. Yeah." I mumbled.

* * *

The End

Author's Note: This entire fic started out as a play of words but ended up having a strange plot and maybe an ending that you can also refer to as "stranger" than the plot itself. If the entire story confused you, then my purpose for writing this has been fulfilled.


End file.
